BLACK BOOK POETRY--PART ONE

1.

I can see my reflection in the table and
I look tired
I feel tired
days melt into mornings with  no night
for rest.

VIII

Thoughts,
thoughts!
there are too many thoughts
I can't keep it quiet
I can't shut it out.
running and running and running
is the mouse of my brain
running but going nowhere
I spin to fatigue in the afternoon's
ride
I swirl into letting it sit
I can't seperate one from the next.
past, present, future
joy, sorrow
anticipation, dread
I mix them together and get
a soup of tired malaise
just stop to squint and see through
to the light
and enjoy the moment.


"Junk"
I wrote this while tutoring a very spoiled hollywood kid.

Rouben plays the guitar while I play the piano
Rouben doesn't know how to sing.
Rouben plays the guitar while I play the piano
Rouben won't learn anything.


I try to be nice,
I try to be true
I'm trying to teach
I don't know what to do.
I'm trying to learn
I try to be strong
I try to speak out
while singing my song.


Rouben plays the guitar while I play the piano
Rouben doesn't know how to play
Rouben strums the guitar while I play the piano
He doesn't know what to say.


I'm watching him learn
I'm watching him trust
consentrating
feeling I must
I want to be able to give
I want to be tried and be true.
I want to be interesting , live
I want to be someone to you.


People watch the movies while I play the piano
People walk past every day
people work harder while I play the piano
I'm worthless and I know that this day


I want to reach out
I try to succeed
I miss out too much
I feel so in need


I'm aching to go
I want to come true
I'm fighting myself
not listening to you.


Rouben plays the guitar while I play the piano
Rouben knows nothing will do.
Rouben toys the guitar while I play the piano
my melody hasn't shown through.


oh why, can't I? it doesn't matter
why, do I? it doesn't matter


Rouben plays the guitar while I play the piano
Repetition can't get in the way
Rouben set the guitar while I stare at the piano
we don't know the song loneliness plays


and there is no end
to the question of 'when'
this frustrating song
will ever go long.
and what can i say?
I'm stuck here today
I'm sick of the now
I'm struggling for 'how'


Rouben plays the guitar while I play the piano
Rouben doesn't know how to play
Rouben strums the guitar while I play the piano
my teaching just gets in the way.